Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
