She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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