How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she told me i tasted like america
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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