I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
