Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
