dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
