I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
being pregnant is like rehab
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
