We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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