I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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