Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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