you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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