from now on my penis is your penis
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize