Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize