I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
