I feel like I'm in dance class right now
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
