that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
