he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
