All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
