after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize