No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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