I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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