how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
