I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
