i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
