We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
