I heard we made out
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Randomize
