Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
