proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I can't turn off my feet"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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