You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
