Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
