Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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