i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Randomize
