just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
