i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
