my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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