Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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