Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
MIDGETS
????
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
