I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
