do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
