I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
