so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
