He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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