this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
