I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I have already put on my inside pants.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
