WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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