You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
