This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
