I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
