You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
