Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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