Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
