Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I am one with the molecules
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
