she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
