Hey man sorry I got all grabby
and she was petting her beer can
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
