i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Randomize
