i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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