Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
