kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
