8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
