this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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