god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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