i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she smelled like a LAN party
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
