So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
