he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
