She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
