I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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