He uses pillows to masturbate.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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