Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
