We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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