Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
