i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
