This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize